Harry Potter and the Sex of the Giants

DISCLAIMER: Despite the fact that the following post has to do with Harry Potter, I warn you: The following blog contains adult content (and there's always the possibility of a little adult language), so reader discretion is advised....

So I've been rereading the Harry Potter books as of late. My reasons for this were two-fold. First, because the sixth movie is set to come out soon (this week, in fact), and I was looking to reread Half-Blood Prince before watching the movie. That plan isn't working out, though. I was making good time through the first three books, of course, and then I hit the fourth, and I was like, "Ah, but I can still make it..." Well, not so much. So reason 1 for my rereading hasn't worked out. But my second reason was just that it has been two years since the last time I read the series, and they're always a fun read, so... And indeed: They remain a fun read. I'm especially looking forward to reading the seventh book again since I've only read that one once.

But all that aside, as I was reading Goblet of Fire, I was reminded of an old nitpick that has always bothered me. It's not really something that I ever wanted to bring up in Harry Potter forums, though (yes, I know: I'm a great, big nerd for having spent a great deal of time in Harry Potter forums back in the day), because those places are filled with kids, and this is a decidedly naughty non-kid friendly topic... which is also why its not really a concern for the books. Its just, you know, adults read these things too, and some of us have dirty minds, and... Well, we've just GOT to wonder...

So here it is... Hagrid is a half-giant, right? His father was a short, but regularly-sized human. His mother was a twenty-foot giant. So my question is.................................. HOW?!!

I mean, have you ever really stopped to consider the mechanics of this? I mean, sure it's possible, but there's just all sorts of questions for me. For starters, under what circumstances did those two get it on in the first place, huh? The giants are a vicious and violent race. I have to wonder where his mother was coming from in having the sex with his father, though I think I'm even MORE curious where his father was coming from. I mean, I tend to think he must have had some sort of fetish, right? I mean... Well.... you know.... it's a bit odd, right?

And then, there's the actual act itself... What must that have been like? And that's not even addressing the issue of giant-normal people pairings where the man is the giant and the woman is the normal person. The books imply that that happens too, and it makes me wonder all the more: HOW?!! At least, in that sense, I would imagine that most of those pairings might have to do with rape. But still... Either it would have to be unimaginably small (in which case, I bet the giant would just have all sorts of confidence issues, to say the least), though the sex would still be pretty awkward... Or penetration isn't exactly involved, and he just... and it... well... I mean... yeah, I'm not really gonna go into detail on that; I'm sure you can use your imagination...

Now, of course, granted: all this speculation does ignore the possible involvement of magic. We ARE talking about wizards and witches having sex with giants. There could be spells involved to level the playing field. Though, if that's the case, then I still have to wonder why... But whatever; I'm just saying: Questions!

I also tend to wonder about the pregnancies themselves. I wonder how big the half-giants are at birth, and if the giant is the mother giving birth, well... Is it still difficult to birth them or do they pretty much just drop out? And then, what? Did Hagrid's mother just look at Hagrid, actually care enough not to kill him instantly, and just deliver him to Hagrid's dad? I wonder what happened there. And in the other case, if the mother is the normal-sized one... I wonder all the more what size the half-giant baby is... Could her body take that kind of stress? I bet at the very least, not all could...

Anyway, that's been bugging me for ages, and I just had to blog about it. Yes, I know: it's a bit off-putting, but... I tend to wonder things when I read Harry Potter, and I no longer have other things like the Horcrux-dilemma to think about since I already know I was right about that one. Now I just have the naughty stuff to think about...

Coming Attractions

A new week, and I'm not even to blame for anything! Wow! That's kind of crazy! Actually, virtually everytime I've seen BJ this week, he's been hard at work on one thing or another (with a couple exceptions when he was attempting to conquer the world... as he tends to try to do at least a couple times a week). I don't know what y'all think about the recent and on-going updates to ydk, but personally, I'm digging the new look, and I'm really looking forward to the new channels.

From what I understand, none of the new channels are actually set to fully launch anytime soon, but BJ is going to explain more about them as time goes on. All I know right now is that Cardinal is another book like Legends of Az, The Gay Ninja is some sort of comedy kinda like Adventures of Ak except that it's rumored to be an actual cartoon with motion and voices instead of a comic (!), and The Fourth Wall is for videos like The Life and Deaths of Cooter Brown, but BJ won't say anymore about it. At this point, Cardinal is the one I know most about, but BJ said he's not working on that until he has more of LoA online.

Also, there's Mousekitty's Corner, and that part's already up. I've been reading Struck By You when I get the time, and I can't wait for more. I'm really hoping that Mousekitty doesn't leave us hanging like BJ has done for the longest time with Legends of Az... Though, speaking of Legends of Az, I saw BJ typing away on the computer a little while ago, and I saw names like Dock Traz and Raven on there, so I'm pretty sure we're actually finally gonna get some more of that. 'Bout time, I know!

I wish I had a funny story to tell you too, but I don't get out all that much, and BJ has been too deep into his work this week to have conjured up any for me to steal and pass off as my own. But if you wanna read more, check out the blogs to the right over here, written by ydk family and friends themselves, including star of The Life and Deaths of Cooter Brown: Bill Bryan, BJ's brother and the man who plays The Dark in LDCB: Nathan Hartsburg, the family blog kept up by Killa's real-life wife: Abby Hamblin, and even a blog pondering such things as religion and existentialism written by "The Director" himself... All of those blogs by the ydk friends and family are definately some blogs to check out (assuming you can get over how full of himself "The Director" is, of course)!

Also, don't forget to check out the latest Adventures of Ak! The surprising history between Bait and Charlie revealed!! And come back next week for another all new blog from everybody's favorite friendly neighborhood scapegoat: me, Steve!

--Steve

Blame Me!

Greetings, intrepid blog-readers! It is I: he who you have heard much about, but have never heard or seen: Steve! As you may have heard, I'm to blame for everything that goes wrong at ydk, including the failure of BJ to keep up with his ydk blog. How I caused that one, I don't really know, but he assures me that it's my fault. So in an attempt to make good for once, I'm here to revive the ol' blog. Or rather, I'm just gonna start a whole new one. So that's what this is: "Blame Steve!" The brand-new official unofficial blog of youdontknow.net!

I plan on updating this once a week, but considering how often I somehow manage to cause BJ to miss his own weekly updates, there's no telling if I'll be able to make my own. That's the plan, though. In this blog, you will find all sorts of useful information that BJ doesn't think you need to know. I'll let you in on some ydk secrets, some amusing behind-the-scenes stories, and whatever else I can think of to write here. You'll also find all sorts of interesting new features around here once we really get going. Take, for example, the ydk poll! It hasn't been updated in forever! So I figure, why not put a new poll right here on my blog? So I'm gonna! And that's not all the features my blog will... um... feature... Well, at least probably not. I haven't played around too much with all the things that blogger has to offer, but I have to say: it does look like there's some pretty cool stuff that I can do with this blog, and I intend to do... that... cool stuff, I mean... Whatever.

Anyway, so that's this! I hope you like what you see and plan to come back! Check back next week for a new blog with some interesting ydk news, plus those cool new features I was talking about! That's it for now. I'm gonna get out of here before I screw something up...

--Steve