Harry Potter and the Sex of the Giants

DISCLAIMER: Despite the fact that the following post has to do with Harry Potter, I warn you: The following blog contains adult content (and there's always the possibility of a little adult language), so reader discretion is advised....

So I've been rereading the Harry Potter books as of late. My reasons for this were two-fold. First, because the sixth movie is set to come out soon (this week, in fact), and I was looking to reread Half-Blood Prince before watching the movie. That plan isn't working out, though. I was making good time through the first three books, of course, and then I hit the fourth, and I was like, "Ah, but I can still make it..." Well, not so much. So reason 1 for my rereading hasn't worked out. But my second reason was just that it has been two years since the last time I read the series, and they're always a fun read, so... And indeed: They remain a fun read. I'm especially looking forward to reading the seventh book again since I've only read that one once.

But all that aside, as I was reading Goblet of Fire, I was reminded of an old nitpick that has always bothered me. It's not really something that I ever wanted to bring up in Harry Potter forums, though (yes, I know: I'm a great, big nerd for having spent a great deal of time in Harry Potter forums back in the day), because those places are filled with kids, and this is a decidedly naughty non-kid friendly topic... which is also why its not really a concern for the books. Its just, you know, adults read these things too, and some of us have dirty minds, and... Well, we've just GOT to wonder...

So here it is... Hagrid is a half-giant, right? His father was a short, but regularly-sized human. His mother was a twenty-foot giant. So my question is.................................. HOW?!!

I mean, have you ever really stopped to consider the mechanics of this? I mean, sure it's possible, but there's just all sorts of questions for me. For starters, under what circumstances did those two get it on in the first place, huh? The giants are a vicious and violent race. I have to wonder where his mother was coming from in having the sex with his father, though I think I'm even MORE curious where his father was coming from. I mean, I tend to think he must have had some sort of fetish, right? I mean... Well.... you know.... it's a bit odd, right?

And then, there's the actual act itself... What must that have been like? And that's not even addressing the issue of giant-normal people pairings where the man is the giant and the woman is the normal person. The books imply that that happens too, and it makes me wonder all the more: HOW?!! At least, in that sense, I would imagine that most of those pairings might have to do with rape. But still... Either it would have to be unimaginably small (in which case, I bet the giant would just have all sorts of confidence issues, to say the least), though the sex would still be pretty awkward... Or penetration isn't exactly involved, and he just... and it... well... I mean... yeah, I'm not really gonna go into detail on that; I'm sure you can use your imagination...

Now, of course, granted: all this speculation does ignore the possible involvement of magic. We ARE talking about wizards and witches having sex with giants. There could be spells involved to level the playing field. Though, if that's the case, then I still have to wonder why... But whatever; I'm just saying: Questions!

I also tend to wonder about the pregnancies themselves. I wonder how big the half-giants are at birth, and if the giant is the mother giving birth, well... Is it still difficult to birth them or do they pretty much just drop out? And then, what? Did Hagrid's mother just look at Hagrid, actually care enough not to kill him instantly, and just deliver him to Hagrid's dad? I wonder what happened there. And in the other case, if the mother is the normal-sized one... I wonder all the more what size the half-giant baby is... Could her body take that kind of stress? I bet at the very least, not all could...

Anyway, that's been bugging me for ages, and I just had to blog about it. Yes, I know: it's a bit off-putting, but... I tend to wonder things when I read Harry Potter, and I no longer have other things like the Horcrux-dilemma to think about since I already know I was right about that one. Now I just have the naughty stuff to think about...